What to Say When Someone Thinks Inclusive Books Don’t Belong in Schools
I’ve been thinking about the kinds of conversations I, as a straight cis white woman, need to have with other parents - especially those with similar backgrounds but different political views.
One issue I keep coming back to: making sure all kids see themselves in the books they read - and that every child gets the chance to learn about the world as it really is.
I came across a communication framework shared in the context of vaccine hesitancy. As I sat with it, I realized how well it can apply to other conversations about "controversial" topics, like inclusive books in schools. Diverse books aren’t inappropriate. But a large portion of the population thinks they are. This approach might help.
Will this approach work with everyone? No. Some folks are deep in echo chambers and might not be reachable right now. But that doesn’t mean we stop trying.
This kind of conversation might be especially effective with someone you’ve always seen as kind, maybe a little anxious, and easily swayed by the loudest voices in the room. Someone who needs another perspective, and needs to hear it from someone they know cares about them.
It starts with empathy - and by acknowledging/affirming values that many conservative parents genuinely hold: protection, strong character, responsibility.
I do believe minds can change. Even when it feels unlikely - we have to believe it’s possible. This strategy is backed by research - from deep canvassing, motivational interviewing, and moral reframing. It doesn’t rely on debating but rather works through connection, shared values, and human stories.
So, not sure how to respond when someone says diverse books don’t belong in schools?
This framework can help you speak up - without escalating the conversation.
Express Empathy
Start by listening. Try:“What concerns you most about the books being included?”
Avoid:“Why are you against kids learning about diversity?”
(That feels like an accusation - not a conversation.)
Affirm Positive Intentions
“You care about your child’s well-being. You want to raise them with strong values and to feel safe in the classroom. I want that too.”
(This affirms their protective instincts - a core conservative value.)
Reflective Listening
“It sounds like you’re worried these books might introduce beliefs your child isn’t ready for - and that your voice as a parent might be overlooked.”
(Acknowledging concerns around authority, tradition, and family roles.)
Develop Discrepancy
“You want your child to grow up respectful and grounded. But if we shelter them from real-world differences, are we helping them build character - or making it harder for them to understand and respect others?”
(Speaks to values of character, responsibility, and respect.)
Roll with Resistance
“I get that it feels like a lot is changing really fast. But these books aren’t about pushing an agenda - they’re about helping every student show respect and responsibility toward others.”
(Reframing inclusion through order, community, and responsibility.)
Support Self-Efficacy
You can decide how your family talks about these topics at home. But schools serve all kids. Diverse books aren’t just for your child to learn from - they’re for someone else’s child to be reflected in, and for every child to learn how to live honorably alongside others.
(Uplifts both personal agency and social duty.)
Summarize + Invite
“So, you’re not trying to shut people out - you’re trying to protect your kid. I believe diverse books do the same thing. Want to look at a few together?”
(A respectful invitation that maintains connection.)
Elicit - Provide - Elicit
Elicit: “What worries you about these books?”
Provide: “Many of them are just about kids with two moms, or a classmate with a disability - things children are already encountering in their schools and neighborhoods."
Elicit: “How does that land with you?”
You don’t have to agree on everything. But you can stand firm in your values - and still keep the conversation open. This strategy isn’t just about being “nice.” It’s grounded in research. Studies show that kind, respectful conversations really can change minds. Even if it feels awkward at first, these conversations matter, especially when they come from someone trusted.
